


To: Dean

by Marinettes_midnight_rendezvous



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Like super angst-y, Soulmates AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-28 04:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18749026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marinettes_midnight_rendezvous/pseuds/Marinettes_midnight_rendezvous
Summary: "I- I'm sorry Dean."Those were the last words to leave your lips when you died. Sam was your best friend, and you'd always done whatever you could to protect him. You would do anything to save him, even if it meant leaving behind the man you love - his brother. You loved the Winchester boys, and you've always known that that would probably be the death of you. So you were the only person who wasn't surprised when you sacrificed yourself for Sam on a hunt that had gone south. You only had one regret - you had a secret that you hadn't intended to take to your grave, you were pregnant.





	To: Dean

**Author's Note:**

> So I had the idea for this one-shot last night and wrote it in an hour and a half this afternoon. I might add a second chapter, but I'm not certain yet. Enjoy!

Hey Stranger,

     Dean, I love you.

     Before anything else, no matter what happens, I hope you know that. I love you - and that's why I can't stay. I can't, Baby. You deserve a chance with her - she's your soulmate. I won't let you give up your chance at a soulmate for me. I'm not worth that. You don't know that I'm back yet, though. I wouldn't let Sam tell you once I found out about her. Sammy found me stumbling down the road and brought me home a few days ago after I woke up on the floor of some dusty old, abandoned warehouse. For the life of me - I couldn't figure out why he was so uncomfortable, and then I saw you and her sitting on the couch in the bunker. It really didn't take all that long to figure out what had happened, and luckily I was able to slip out of the room before either of you noticed me staring. I always have been light on my feet.

     Dean, the look on your face! You looked happy - for the first time in ages - truly, genuinely happy. Not stressed or worried or scared, and I couldn't - I refused to do anything to bring that stress back. Having to choose between your soulmate and the girlfriend that died on you would have definitely been stressful - so I made that decision for you. I snuck back to my room and packed up a few things I didn't think you'd notice if you were feeling nostalgic. Mostly clothes, but I couldn't help myself - I grabbed the photo of us I keep on the bedside table. Sammy followed me, but I had already made my decision. Please don't be mad at him Dean - I made him promise that he wouldn't tell you I was back. I had made my decision, even if he didn't understand it. That night I had Sammy drive me to Bobby's - where I've been staying while I try to find a place of my own.

     All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy. I knew what I was getting into when I met you. A girl like me always knows the risks of loving a man like you. My whole life I've been a stand-in - invisible. Eventually, I fade away, until I'm barely a memory in the mind of the person I love - that's what will happen here. Sure this might hurt to hear at first, but you'll be happier with her. Slowly but surely you'll forget about the girl that kept you company before you found her. It's the same old story on repeat again, and I'm tired of trying to believe that each new relationship will be different.

     Just promise me you'll be happy - that you won't beat yourself up over this and ruin your chances with her. If I had stayed, you would have been forced to choose between our relationship and your soulmate - this way I made that choice for you. I know you never really believed in soulmates, but now that you found yours, well, Dean I want you to let yourself love her - really and truly love her - because you deserve that much after everything you've been through. At the very least, love her for me - adore her - because a soulmate is something extraordinary and something that was never meant for people like me. Cherish that bond - trust me, it'll be worth it.

     There was something I should have told you, though. I was going to tell you the night that I died - before everything went south - but we ran out of time. I had a choice in that warehouse. An opportunity to either save Sammy's life or keep my own and, well, I chose to save Sammy. We both knew how that situation would end; Sam's always been just as much my little brother as he is yours. So I protected him. I died so that Sam could walk away - so that his death wouldn't break you all over again and because I was selfish. I didn't want to watch him die, so I made him watch me die. It was easier that way for me. Dying and knowing that at least I was going out protecting someone I loved - but, in the heat of the moment, I forgot something essential.

     I forgot that if I died, you would lose more than just me, Dean-o. I was pregnant with our baby. I had only found out earlier that day, but I was already two months along. Guess that explains why I was always so hungry feeling so nauseous the weeks leading up to that hunt. When whoever brought me back brought me back, I was terrified. I thought that I had lost our child because of my brash decisions. I think that might have been what kept making the decision to leave from breaking me completely.

     But I was wrong. I'd gained a bit of weight since I got back, despite not eating enough to warrant that kind of growth. But I really, really didn't want to get my hope up - I'd already grieved our child on my own once, and the thought of doing it again almost broke me. But a week and a half ago I bought a pregnancy test anyways and took it - and it was positive. So I scheduled an appointment right away to see if our baby was okay.

     She's doing fine, Dean-o. We have a beautiful baby girl. Oh, you should have seen her - I promise I'll give Bobby an extra copy of the ultrasound for you. The gynecologist said that I'm about five months along. My belly is getting so big that it's really starting to get in the way of my life, which I guess means no more moving around from town to town. Bobby is forcing me to settle down and get an apartment. I agreed - obviously - but on the condition that it couldn't be in Sioux Falls and that he is not allowed to tell you where my apartment is unless I give him permission to.

     I'm sorry Dean. I won't keep her from you - I would never keep her from you. But I refuse to force her on you either. I hate the idea that my baby might grow up without a dad, but I won't make you spend time with her. I just didn't want you to think I've been intentionally keeping you from our baby. I wasn't going to tell you that I was alive, but how could I possibly not tell you that your daughter was still alive? I could never do that to you, Dean. Finding out you had missed all of her first because you didn't know would be worse than choosing not to be there for them to you. I'm not doing this to hurt you. God that's the last thing I want. I just- I don't think that you'll be actually happy with me. You'll love being around your daughter - she'll be your world - but you will always be a little bit bitter with me that I pulled you away from the one person made to make you happy. That would be worse than you choosing her over me, in my book. Having to hide my hurt from my world, while the man I love -her father - is the one causing it... Dean, I don't think I could handle that.

     Bobby is going to help me set up the nursery when we find the apartment - so don't worry, I won't be putting either of us in danger. I found the cutest crib today. It reminded me of the furniture in the bunker - it's very fifties-esque - and I bought it on impulse. It’s got a very timeless appeal that matches the beds at home. I also got an adorable onesie that I think you'll love - I'll send a picture of her in once she's born. I hate doing this to you. I hate that I can't come home. I want your help naming her. I want to experience this with you... I'll get over it - I guess. You can email me back with ideas for names if you want - right now I'm thinking Eloise Deanna or Charlotte Eloise, but I'm not super satisfied with either. I'd love your help if you're willing.

Thank you, Dean - for everything.

Laura

**Author's Note:**

> So I had the idea for this one-shot last night and wrote it in an hour and a half this afternoon. I'm not certain I love the ending so if I get enough requests for more, I might add a second chapter. Also! this hasn't been beta-ed (obviously - since I just wrote it today) but if you would like to beta some of my work in the future just let me know! I hope you enjoyed.


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